Day in the asylum that is my life.

My day was out of control yesterday. The hour to hour was plagued by a boss who cannot learn to step back from the day to day…and then I had the gold-toothed wonder harass me on the street (see below) and then after work the nonsense continued.

I was trying to make my way home and I traveled down to the L stop at Jackson. I was standing on the platform waiting for the train to come (which seems to be the activity that takes up about half of my life these days) and I noticed that “Crazy Curtis” was down there. Crazy Curtis is a man who wanders about the State St. area. I notice him all of the time and, in fact, I do not know if his name is Curtis…I totally made it up. I needed a name for him as I see him all of the time. Crazy Curtis, although clearly on something most of the time, seems harmless enough. Not too much to worry about when he is around, mostly I just feel sorry for him. He clearly has had a hard life. Well, Crazy Curtis was on the platform yesterday…sometimes he gets down to the platform and spends a bit of time down there until the police find him and take him away.

As I was looking up from my MP3 Player I noticed that Crazy Curtis was doing something odd about 15 ft away. That is when the synapses in my brain started firing properly and I realized that Crazy Curtis was dropping trough, ass hanging out over the tracks and he was…no he couldn’t be…yes he was…he was pooping. Curtis was pooping over the tracks on the Jackson St. platform. I didn’t see the final execution of the poop b/c I had turned and buried my head in a complete stranger’s chest. David was kind enough to pat my head and let me be grossed out for a moment even though he did not know me at the time. The police where there in a flash after a woman yelled “oh my God he just pooed”…and Crazy Curtis was pulled from the platform. I can assure you, however, that the image will never be pulled from my brain. Never.

The image is so embedded that I cannot even “paint” it on the computer for you. I might gag again.

On top of all of that, David and I ended up sitting on the train together until he got off at Clark and Division. He was delightful. Promptly sitting next to me was a girl who asked me about my “Interpreter of Maladies” book and we started chatting about the books that she and I had been reading (I am always up for a discussion on literature). So anyway, Emily and I were having a normal conversation…small talk…nothing out of the ordinary. The train was stopped for some time so after awhile I went back to reading, not really paying attention. As we were pulling up to Belmont Emily said “well, if you ever want to go out, give me a call” and hands me a napkin that says “Would love to go on a date sometime-give me a ring!- Em” and then her number.

WTF?! I WAS NOT FLIRTING WITH HER. Unfortunately for Emily I really enjoy the men. I can barely be friends with women…I certainly could not date one. A) Emily did not look like your typical lesbian B) I don’t really think that I look like a lesbian…and most men clearly know that I am not one so how did she get confused C) how is someone that forward with someone on the train anyway D) I fear that my flirting has gotten SO out of control that I don’t even know when I am doing it anymore!

Is that it? Can I not control it anymore? Am I giving “doe eyes” and hair flips to everyone I meet now even chicks? Oh Geeze someone help me…no wonder I have had so many offers for dates lately…apparently I look like a girl you can pick up on the train!

I got off the L and hoped I would make it home in one piece. Happily I sat in front of the TV for most of the night calming down from a day of absolute insane shenanigans ("Farva, what's that place you like to eat that has all the shit on the walls?") . I hope today goes better…