5th Question from 6

5. You often muse about living with a gay man. What do you think is the reason for such strong bonds between gay men and straight women? What do you enjoy most about living with a gay man? How do your relationships with gay men provide insight for your relationships with straight men, if they do? What is the most tenuous or fragile part of a friendship between a gays and girls? How does living with a gay man differ from living with a straight man or a girl or a small, yappy dog?

Well first of all, I don’t muse…but if we must continue on with this question then let me answer with my non-musing observations. Let me start by saying if I were to do said musing it would be about living with Brett as a gay man. Brett…is a being unto himself. Honestly one of the sassiest, smartest and most fun people I have ever met. On top of all of that, he happens to be gay which does add a different dynamic (and quite a few more comments about men between one’s legs) but loving living with Brett has almost nothing to do with him being gay, and everything to do with him being an overall amazing person and one of the best friends a girl can ask for. (although the gay factor does allow me to watch Project Runway without guilt, so that is certainly a plus)

But on to the gay men/straight women thing…I don’t really know how it all came about or what the relationships stem from, but I do know that I have never had more positive friendships then those that I do with my gay friends. It is a bond that seems to attract all types and fills a void that makes me feel sorry for women who do not have gay friends. But I really have to stress that these men are incredible because of who they are, not because they are gay. Perhaps being gay makes them less of a threat. The old Harry Met Sally factor of “men can’t be friends with women b/c they always want to sleep with them” is not present and so both parties are allowed to be who they truly are. There is no need to impress and no need to worry that one party feels slighted. So, in the end I am able to truly enjoy ever facet of my gay friends because I never have to worry about getting drunk and having sex with them. The stress of that turn in a relationship is not there so I know that they will be a part of my life forever. The gay men that I have been lucky enough to have friendships with have truly changed my life and I know that they will continue to do so.

I have lived with straight men and honestly the situation has been almost the same as with Brett and I. Straighty and I had a couple of “close calls” when we were really drunk, but nothing serious and in the end it was a positive relationship and a great roommate situation. What I have with Brett (and I don’t know if this is because he is gay but I think it might have something to do with it) is that we can have the stupid day to day stuff, but he is much more willing to talk about his feelings and share. He is absolutely more insightful or perhaps feels more comfortable speaking up about it. He is able to dissect situations and over-analyze with me while we sit on our silly blue and green couches and I don’t know if that could happen with a straight man…but more importantly I don’t know if it could happen with another gay man either.

I guess what I am getting at is that I love my gay friends…but most of all I love them because they are Adam, Frank, Josh, Drew, Ferdie and most of all Brett. When Brett and I talk about the future it isn’t his gay roommate status that comes into play but the fact that I know he will stand up in my wedding, be the God-parent of one of my children, be there for every celebration and every loss. That has nothing to do with being a straight woman and a gay man and has everything to do with being us.



although i would love a yappy dog!!