On the Streets

I swear that people on the streets of Chicago are as certifiable as my family. I just went to Walgreens…literally a ½ block walk from work…and I encountered the oddest things on the way over. Let me take you through my little walk there and back.

I leave the building and am immediately surrounded by law students on smoke breaks. Not only are they blowing smoke in my face, but they are doing it in a smug and condescending way that law students do everything. I walk a little bit up the street and what do I come to but a lady dressed in all red yelling at a lady dressed in all green…I am not joking! It was like Christmas was fighting with itself?! The ladies were very angry and had no qualms about yelling “f@ck” in the middle of a busy Chicago street on a Thursday. What could you possibly be so angry about on a Thursday?

So, as I passed them I was hit in the boob by a man on a bicycle. Seriously hit-full on-in the breast. Now, I know they are bigger then the average bear and I know that they are delightful looking, but really while passing on a bike must one feel the need to reach out and punch me in my right boob? Is that at all necessary? I looked back with a face of mild disgust, major amusement and complete disbelief. He just waved. Well, at least he was a nice sexual harasser? No different then what happens on a Friday night at the Pub, I suppose…

Thank the lord I get to Walgreens without much more of an issue. I buy my stamps, Charleston Chew, Glamour magazine and head back for the ol’ office figuring that my walk back could not be as bad as my walk there. I was clearly w-r-o-n-g

Heading back there is a homeless woman sitting on the side of the street that called me a “c#nt b*tch”. I am not certain that she was directing this just at me, but the phrase has been used in my presence before so naturally I turned to see who was addressing me (perhaps I figured Brett would be standing there). As this happened a guy walked by to and said “bet you’re not used to being addressed like that everyday” and giggled and then walked into the building next to mine. I learned two things from this a) I must find out who hottie-mchotterson is and marry him as he made me laugh-laugh very hard b) I need to not respond to obscene names yelled on the street as it could cause me to constantly be turning my head in hopes of seeing who is trying to get my attention.

I quickly rushed back to my building-literally almost running. I did notice that Christmas was still fighting and that the law students were still jackasses...

Below is a map of my walk! Drawn just for you :-)