8th

Dante defined Hell as having seven circles…those being the following:

First: Limbo
Second: Lust
Third: Gluttons
Fourth: Hoarders and Wasters
Fifth: Wrathful
Sixth: Heretics
Seventh: The violent (subsequently divided into Outer Ring, Middle Ring and Inner Ring)

I am proposing to this respected Italian philosopher and author, that an Eighth Circle of Hell be added:

Eighth: Molly and Brett’s move to their new apartment

In this circle there will be no hail, raining fire, flaming tombs, boiling blood or flaming sand…there will be us and our rental company fighting over the most infinitesimal details in regards to an apartment that, besides the kicky location, is not worth the trouble. There will be a Molly, on the phone all day every day threatening to call her lawyer, hoping that someone will cave in and paint some of the rooms white in the damned place. There will a Brett, taking the day to clean and paint the place in hopes that the job will some day be finished but knowing that he much continue like this throughout eternity.

When finally finished with the circle Dante would find the Bretts and the Mollys walking downstairs from their new place and literally right into Roscoe’s to get wasted for the evening (this one and all those ensuing). So if you would like to celebrate the breaking free of the Eighth Circle, call us on Sat. night and see if we have made it out alive…