I realized yesterday that it has been quite some time since I was in a serious relationship. I do believe that Micheli in Italy was the last time that I actually dated someone for more then a couple months. When I returned from Europe, I was a serial dater…flying from one bad choice to another…never quite escaping the crappy selection of men that the northern suburbs has to offer. Our first couple of months in Chicago found me dating a little more but the quality still was not there. I found Le French and enjoyed his company for awhile, but the realization that he was not ready to commit and I could not have a semi-serious relationship that often times would span across an ocean caused me to ditch that one. Then there was the rugby player and a very very early “I love you”, completely unprompted by any feelings from me, made me just about pee my pants (and not the good kind of peeing one’s pants) and run very quickly in the other direction. And then there has been a dry spell…it is not for lack of meeting people…although it isn’t an every night thing, I have met some blokes and gone on a few dates here and there. There just isn’t someone that I have “dated” that has caught my fancy.

I fear that as I progress into the summer I will continue to be apathetic about a new relationship…that sometimes it is easier just to not deal with it…or in some cases I know what I want but can’t quite obtain it so other options don’t seem that grand. I’m bored and I want to feel excited again. I want the butterflies, the anticipation, the revealing conversations, the weak knees and the possibility. I want to be swept off my feet and I want to be adored (and for someone to tell me that on a regular basis) I want to figure it out and make it work…I want to at least try. I am not really sure where to start, so if anyone has any suggestions please let me know. This year should be about change…but I might need some help getting started. I need to get back out there and make a real try…forget that things have not gone the way I wanted them and start controlling the things that I can. I recognize that it isn’t always going to work out and there might be a lot of bad dates…but at least that brings me one step closer to a good one. I’m sick of waiting around for it to come to me or for others to act. I am sick of hoping that things will “work out” the way I want them too and that it will be “easy”…I am forgetting that nonsense, taking some risks and moving onwards and upwards! Law of averages…it has to work out sometime soon, don’t you think?