My cousin Gavin and I were born 8 days apart. All of my life I have been linked to him…we have had sleepovers, made forts, play Inspector Gadget, fallen off horses, welcomed new cousins, buried grandparents, celebrated holidays, gone off to college, lived in the same building…all of this done together. Our interconnecting lives were heightened when we went to the same university.

Living three hours away from most family, Gavin became my family…he was there for every boy who broke my heart, he knew my friends and I knew his, we shared meals together and went shopping together, when he lived below me my senior year we spent many a night conversing until 4 am on his porch. One of those nights we ended up calling the police on a guy b/c he was breaking into cars and promptly called each other “Starsky and Hutch” for months afterwards. He was annoyingly overly protective sometimes, but it was endearing and probably helpful as I always fall for the wrong guy.

We knew about each other’s lives…the daily happenings, the interests, the classes, the nights out…we were there for it all. Most importantly there was not a birthday in those 4 years at the U of I that did not have Gavin present…nor has there ever really been a birthday in which we were not celebrating together. As children we would have combined family parties…sharing a cake and party hats. As college students we would spend the night out at the bars…sharing a bottle of Jack Daniels and some shot glasses. My life and birthday’s have been so inextricably linked to Gavin’s that I find it hard to think about one without the other.

This year, however there is a difference…a huge one…and while I get to celebrate a birthday, Gavin is forced to undergo Chemo. The unfairness of the fact this smart, kind, loving and otherwise healthy 24 year old has cancer is only heightened by the fact that his counterpart in life, age and birthday, does not. As Gavin is forced to suffer and will always link this birthday with the idea that it was “the one when he has cancer” I get to live life as a normal girl in the city. I get to be surrounded by my friends and family and enjoy all of the wonderful things with which I have been blessed. I feel that celebrations should not take place.

As I prepare to meet my friends out at a bar on Friday night, every ounce of me wants to call it off. If Gavin has to suffer then I should too. I will never be able to fathom what he must endure and I feel that it is only fair to recognize those incredible differences and spectacular strides that he is making. A year ago, this never would have been anticipated and hopefully a year from now this will be a memory. Gavin doesn’t get to celebrate like a normal 25 year old and I constantly take for granted that I do. Staying home tomorrow night or going out to the bar is not going to cure Gav, but I do hope that next year we can go back to being in the same celebrations. That he will recognize that his struggle was one of amazing strength and grace and that he deserves a shot of Jack…or many.